TECHNIQUES



TROUBLING ENCOUNTERS
There will be lots more on this subject, including mother-in-laws, ex-husbands and wives etc. But briefly a few points. Just a short sample of what we will discuss and how fast you can get in trouble. 

Piccardheadache1

Just ask Captain Piccard, just when things were going well, he had a bit too much of that Romulan Wine and almost drove Federation Starship 1701 into an asteroid belt.  The problem is with new guys is that they don't have a learning curve for disaster so they don’t see them coming.  The most common is rambunctious behavior by the grooms friends and invited guests who think a wedding is a good place to act like the stern end of a donkey.  Prenuptial booze consumption and a weed go a long way in disrupting things.

Out of control wilding.  One problem rare but I have seen it twice is when some of the participants and even members of a band or DJ  get too involved with the wedding party.  Maybe it was the Romulan wine or some other accelerant, and possibly edged on by some of the bridesmaids who found the groomsmen boring.  

And the biggest problem the new shooter faces might just be overconfidence.  They are so hyped up with their newfound toys and minor successes they have nothing to fall back on.  When I learned to shoot weddings I went out with a pro for almost four months, actually four different guys to observe, grasp and learn to gain something from each of them.  They each had a style and other than the required shooting for the albums did things differently.  But more important was learning the signs when things were about to get crazy.


LESS BRAINS MORE BRAVADO
The battle cry of the skate boarder, the extreme trick bike and those water-bikes, the wave runners is “I can”. My wife worked as an administrative assistant for an insurance company that specializes in extreme events, carnivals, rides, parachute events, and other unorthodox occasions. Disasters can be all too common. All too many times we saw the results in pictures.  

Kite flying behind a boat killed two in Tampa Bay this year. Finally after six severe accidents,  the State of Florida is considering the implication of safety rules for Parasailing. 

Six young adults killed and finally the State wakes up.  When I wrote in a few columns about the dangers of this ride, I got flack back from a few of our Representatives in Tallahassee who obviously are on the payroll of the Parasailing lobby.  Even got flack back from TRIPADVISOR about negative comments about this business after two had gotten severely hurt.

You see the newcomer hasn’t had a disaster yet to learn off of. For some reason they will be persistent and think they can pull it off. 

Cameras are notorious for shutters failing, batteries coming apart; strobes failing or have runaway problems. Even the pro stuff. It’s happened to me several times and I am a nut about preparation.  Trained as a pilot my backups are on standby and ready to go.  But the killer is usually a lack of experience and how to react when things do go bad.  Stepping into an elaborate wedding problem is like a snow bunny skiing K2 at hunter Mountain.  I skied it once (well, snowplowed it a lot) and never went back taking the mod trail instead.  A learning process. 


PRE-INSTRUCTION
For the new photographer learning about weddings read as much as you can, and it couldn’t be easier than going to the web. Here are some sources for your browser.  Look under Wedding planning, wedding photographers, wedding murders and death groups. Another source of Wedding consulting stems from the bloggers who habit a group like www.etiquettehell.com more like a conglomeration of Dear Abby enthusiasts but usually they hit the nail on the head when it concerns human and in-human behavior.

TRADITIONS, CUSTOMS, SHEER LUNACY!
Many traditions, customs, and other acts appearing to be totally irrelevant (bordering stupidity)  to you are very important and critical for the impression the Bride wants to make on her day. This is a huge and emotional time with extensive preparation and tasking for anyone to bear. Sometimes in the woods, the  Bears are no problem; it’s the black mamba you have to look out for. More later. 

Brides spend sometimes a few hundred dollars on their day getting everything perfect and in some cases lots of time in preparation.  I have a friend who has videoed 100's of weddings and wrote a piece entitled the Seven Signs of Marital Disasters.  

One of his pet signs is the celebration of the sharing of cake.  I can tell you, the groom picked the wrong time to act like a kid. He thought it was cool, she didn't.  Nothing more needs to be said. This was not staged and the shots speak for themselves. She advised him not to do this and he did. He got more than he bargained for. And less for longer than he thought.


WEDDING WEBSITES
So to get a feel for this apparent idiocy you will find humor at many uggghh... wedding sites and vendor but similar ever changing locations.  At one time I was asked to answer questions about Wedding Photography on a forum.   Some have a few resident nutcases, those celebrating their wedding  which took place literally five years ago and who are still offering advice to the lovelorn on how it should be done.  Get a frickin life lady!   

Insider - one I know about is already divorced but loved her Wedding and was on every day telling others how it should be done.  I had to have some fun with her and asked politely maybe had she offered some sex to her husband he might of hung around longer. I believe I termed it "spread legs not stories…”  Did I get slammed, ouch!

After reading some of them your Bride will seem normal. Even if she comes complete with tears and a few borderline major breakdowns. At times these groups are funnier than anything you will ever read. One site is so hip you will need the secret decoder ring so you will know who they are talking about.  It’s below.

Definitively speaking, getting serious, the "Professional Brides” are reliving their own affair at many of the Bridal Forums are in need of some serious help.  Too harsh, no, I call them “professionals” because being married four plus years ago and trying to stop time means they are not living in the “ now”.  They are reliving their wedding ceremony years after it’s over, day after day, week after week, ad nauseam as the champion accomplishment of their lives.  They keep telling their “story” to the future Brides who crank in thinking if it’s in print on the web it’s real. It definitely is the highlight of their lives and when they get divorced will require professional help. 

Another one I wrote  wrote one back and asked if she lived in a cabin in the woods all her life?  She said this was her first trip into town and married and living in the big city.  Better they should be paying attention to banging their husbands instead of banging the keyboard because they live in a fantasy world. Here as a public service are the most commonly used letter codes in the Newsgroup Bridal Pages. We broke the codes into groups and these folks were texting letter codes way before some of the texters knew what texting was.

ON THE GROOMS SIDE 
G = Groom
BM = Best Man
BM1 = Best Man who had her just before the Wedding.
FH = Future Husband
FIL = Father-in-Law
FFIL = Future Father-in-Law

ON THE BRIDES SIDE
B = Bride
BB= Bitchey Bride or Ball Buster
DAARB = Dumb As A Rock Bride
MIL = Mother-in-Law
BMD = Bridesmaid
FG = Flower Girl
MOH = Maid/Matron of Honor 


THE BROADS SIDE
MOB = Mother Of the Bride
FMIL = Future Mother-in-Law
FSIL = Future Sister/Son-in-Law
TLOTH = The Lady Of The Hour
SLOTH = Tree Climbing Animal aka MOB


The BACKSIDE
HC = The Happy Couple
HC = Unhappy Couple
SO = Significant Other 
SOL = Significant Other’s Lover see BM1
SOLW/OB = Significant Other Lover Without Balls ( By Female Only)
BRIDEZILLA = Devil in a White Dress