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CULTURAL LEVELS & CRISIS:

When I hear a photographer tell me all weddings are the same, I immediately want to determine what level this guy is on.  His answer draws me in because there are three different things I read from him or her.  He has a good gig with following and good clients, he is in a rut caused by the economy,  or he is a loser and should go back to working service jobs.  

So I ask questions, do you only do one ethnicity, one religion, one type or for a specific church, one pastor, one wedding planner, one price range, one style. The I ask how much did your business expand this year over last year knowing this is a failing economy. Are your profits and volume on the rise or are things sinking. 

This is my point, to make it in this game you need to have "flex". I love when a guy tells me, he is a photojournalistic shooter and doesn't do traditional posed shots.  Tell that to Grandma. 

I have found the really great shooters don't work alone.  On the higher end weddings ($$$$) a good second shooter is imperative.  They capture the emotion, while you capture the money shots, the traditional wedding shots, and then freelance the rest of the wedding for the story telling. You need both. You need to be able to do both with reliable help.   In the film days, I used medium format for all of the church and formals with as much light as I could carry and then switched to 35 mm for the PJ stuff.  It puts the money in the bank and gets you the best of both worlds.

In a target rich good economy, has he or she enjoyed a "good ride" because their community has a certain standard they rise to.  The higher you get, the more traditional things become.  Traditional can mean many things.  

A NON TYPICAL HIGH END WEDDING
Before William and Kate got married, we knew what to expect and the level it was to achieve.  There were tremendous protocols and traditions to be followed to the letter.

I might add the blocking (where to stand) and acting was superb with hundreds on the sidelines opening the right doors, and guiding the actors. It was  spectacular open book test, all chance of failure had been removed. It was stunning, very expensive and the entire country came forth as stand-ins and minor role players.

The costuming for this play was exceptionally beautiful, colorful, perfection and for the men nothing is better than the military dress red suits with all the medals worn for which our Tennessee Sharpshooters loved during our war of independence.  Yet a little bizarre at times because we in the West focused not as much as the cerebral part of the wedding but what they wore.  Every one who is in the dress business in England was in couture Valhalla that day. 

Who will ever forget the hat Princess Beatrice of York wore at Prince William and Kate Middleton‘s royal wedding. It was a show stopper. Had she worn a commode on her head it wouldn't draw that much attention.  Some of the hats could have been used as a commode.  

Several from the Royal Astronomy Society thought perhaps it was used to summon aliens from another world. So it's the details that make a wedding different.  And thats what makes them all different and thats what you get paid for. Weddings as traditional as they may seem, are all different. There is something that sets each one of them apart.

By the way like in all fairy tales, and this one went out of the box, the story has a happy ending.  The hat has a new owner: The towering chapeau sold for an astonishing 81,100.01 pounds, approximately $130,000, on eBay and proves Barnum got it right, there is one born every few minutes, on the other hand the money was all donated to charity.  

“It has its own personality, and I am so happy that we have raised the most incredible amount of money and can make an even bigger change for the lives of some of the most vulnerable children across the world,” Beatrice, the daughter of Prince Andrew and Duchess Sarah Ferguson, said in a statement on Sunday.  

WE ARE NOT SIMILAR
We live in a world of cultural difference and nothing shows that premise better than the Wedding ceremony which you, you lucky devil, have been retained to perform at.  Those folks have selected you to be the court scribe on the most important day of their lives.  

In the old days, going as far back as the Neo-Babylonian days  the court scribe recorded all the events and rulings and changes the Kings, Judges and others made.  The scribe was fairly safe since many could not read or write in those days.  If he did screw up, boiling oil fixed things. If you screw up, the results could vary so the point is the more you know the less you will not know when it counts.

Here are a couple of clues as to what to look out for. And I mean no harm or inference to anyone, just telling it like it is or in my case was. One has to respect the difference and cultural beliefs people have. 

TRADITION AND CONDUCT

Some ethnicities of the middle eastern nations prohibit the taking of photographs that show elbows, faces or feet. 

These religious virtues sometimes transfer here to the states and you have to be cautious when doing the Wedding by finding out what the rules are.  sure things are moderated here in the states but yesterday at a mall, I saw a woman with veil dressed head to toe covered up in black. Obviously she was not shopping at the GAP or Dilliards.

After I wrote this, I started to think how hard it is for a photographer doing weddings in certain countries that prohibit human form in the pictures.

It would be too presumptive to think the Taliban is hiring Wedding Photographers as one Blue Burka is the same as another Blue Burka. I doubt if we will ever see the Bride of the Month in a Blue Burka.  You’d be in the soup literally or in the oil whatever boils quicker…so respect of cultural beliefs is important. 

The best advice is you never know where there is a winner.  I just glanced over my shoulder at these two, I was a guest at the wedding and the Nikon Coolpix did the rest.  She was chomping on ice to cool down after some really fancy dancing.  The follow up shot was perfect.

MIX-MATCHED STYLES
Number one on the hit parade is shooting the wrong wedding style. Be prepared that your style applies to the Wedding couples beliefs. People are culturally different and PJ may not be the best choice for a specific wedding and you might be going or moving to a position that might not be correct.  

At a Catholic Church one day the photographer thought he ruled the roost, climbing over everybody and everything,  till he got to the LUNA which is a circular receptacle with glass sides, metal circled with gold or gilded metal to hold the Sacred Host upright in the monstrance. 

It is a sacred vessel, having received the priest's blessing. It is sometimes called a lunette.  The priest had enough, he stopped the sacrament, paused, my source tells me the priest said  "God Forgive Me" and invited him to leave the Church right now.   We have a tough time in my area with Catholic Churches and FLASH, because idiots like this guy made it tough for all of us. It has even encouraged second shooters to hide as guests on the aisle seats and grab what they can.   

You might be best to mix it up a little so you cover your bases. I have learned this from my diversified experience shooting weddings of ethnic and social differences. In addition, I must stop and give thanks to the many professionals and associates who shared a few horror stories with me over a brew or two. 

YOUNGER COUPLES:
Some younger couples like moderate trendy PJ to almost a “shock jock” approach to the Wedding. Notice I said “some”. You better expect anything, sometimes blowing tradition out the door. Expect anything from a moon to topless exhibitions to falling on ones face dead drunk.  My favorite is the exposure problem a young new female shooter, new at the game living in the UK, had “penis exposure” from one of the groomsmen in three of her shots. 

Sure a click or two in Photoshop cured the extended problem, but I gave her a better idea. She used the “shrink image button” and popped a print. All the bridesmaids got a souvenir  4x6 of the diminished male standard. I’ll bet that made a few circles around town!  I once said the best way to expose an a-hole, is with a camera and show the world.

Another example: So after you shoot a thousand B&W "truly photojournalistic artistic renderings or PJ shots" the mother-in-law calls up and wants the 30x40 color shot of her firstborn to hang over the fireplace of their new house. Try selling her the black and white artistic shot of the Brides bra strap while she was getting dressed. 

COMMADES IN ARMS
You are not alone: My buddies and cohorts in the business shared a few other horror tales with me. Fred Miranda’s website at http://www.fredmiranda.com/ has a pretty good wedding forum. It’s inhabited by a few pro’s and many, many beginners, some pretending to know more than they do. A fast check on licenses, which is commonly on all government websites for that city or state sites tell you whether they are legal or not, whether they maintain a studio, and their real status. 

There are many other sites devoted to Wedding Photographers.  But, like most of the web, take things with a grain of salt, two shots of vodka and a twist of lemon.  Ego’s run prolific in this business and everyone’s a pro on the web.   

Just look at some sites and you’ll realize a few are more conversation than talent. And see how many have the same Wedding Music in the background, the same style as they all bought them from a booth at WPPI or on-line.  Clones of Clones.  Type in Wedding Forums on Google and a lifetime of reading is before you. Type in a few names of the shooters from the odd groups on Google and its like reading the tabloids. A few have a pretty shady past.  Several we found in jersey should have warrants by now.

YOU have to serve the client, not force your beliefs or issues. If their style is not the best style for you, get someone else to do it and a referral fee is better than nothing or a goof up. Again I am NOT picking on any age groups, religious groups or ethnicities, just a few tips for political correctness and to CYA.

Older established families and higher more elaborate level Weddings go far more often to the conservative side with shooter covering the basics and then: the PJ style thrown into the mix for complete coverage and a better bottom line.

TRADITIONAL JEWISH WEDDINGS 

We have an expression! How do you get eight opinions from seven people? Simple, book a Jewish Wedding! Now I can say that because I am Jewish. 

Carnival people have an expression. I learned it from them since I live near Gibsonton, Florida, winter home of the Circus and traveling Carnival folks. 

They find out ahead of time “Who is the stick”!  The stick is the boss, not the mock boss, the real boss. In the old days bosses carried sticks and used them.  Five bucks says it’s not the father. It’s Mom. Get all of that out of the way fast before you sign contracts.

Simply ask “who is the person here that I am contracting with?”. Coming from a typical Matriarchal Jewish family, I can tell you they are pretty open in conversation about Weddings in front of you and after you leave. I called it "Yenterism"

• Before the Wedding • During the Wedding • After the Wedding •  

It will get passed around the table and input is allowed, encouraged and insisted by Moms, Aunts, Friends, Upstairs Neighbors and anyone who will listen. That’s why I say get it done up front. Weddings are no places to negotiate and rule one is laid out flat on the table. 

If you charge by hours or time, get the overtime in writing and explain that to them three times and have them all sign it.  Otherwise, you will lose. You are outgunned and out maneuvered at every step.

Other strongly family oriented groups present the same situation. Now this is why I insist “That you explain that the decision maker (the boss, the stick) at the Wedding is the Bride and she has the final word. Legally, spiritually, emotionally, she is the one you will do business with”. 

If not, and you have clearly not designated this, I wish you well. (Get it in writing) If hell breaks loose and something goes wrong she will go crying to ....her mother. You will be the next in line if there is no Wedding Planner. That’s why you have to read BRIDEZILLA and follow these lessons. 

Once the plans are down pat and signed for and all grey and dark areas are covered, be ready for a good ride. 

They can be very photographic. Some of the customs such as the vows under a small open tent and the breaking of the glass are very symbolic and offer some good chances of a winning shot. 

Then at the reception be prepared to move quickly as the traditional circle dances and the rest of the wedding party and guests get into the act. It grows and builds. You will be busy trying to catch the action. 

Just so you understand, I’m not picking on Jewish Weddings. Again, I am Jewish and naturally have shot many. That’s why my wife and I eloped, my brother and his lovely wife did the same. It’s seems a TRADITION in our family to elope. 

In the traditional Jewish ceremony, it is highly representative of the sentimental rites laws brought down for centuries. The center is the marriage contract, the katubah. There are many significant rites such as the two  mothers of the bride and groom, smash a dish wrapped in a towel to officiate the marriage of the families. It represents a broken dish can never again be united. Their children should only know unity—with no breaks in their relationship.

At my nephews wedding, they are standing under a chuppah, four poles and a very ornate covering.  The chuppah is open on all sides representing open skies. In his temple there are skylights as you will find in most temples to be under open skies and this means you better be thinking light balance. His was a nightmare of lighting.

For the groom in the more orthodox or conservative movements the groom will wear a  kittle, a white cotton cloak-like garment and the Bride will enter and the groom will bring her to the chuppah. At this time the bride will slowly circle the groom seven times. 

It is followed by blessings, seven usually, toasts, mazel tovs and then the groom gets to smash a glass, carefully wrapped in cloth, so as to prevent injury napkin, under his shoe, which according to my nephew who happens to be  a Rabbi, a solemn reminder of the destruction of King David’s temple, and to modernists it represents the breaking of all bonds of the past with others (Old Girlfriends, Great Fantasies, Wild weekends, etc.) 

Now, in my opening remarks I told you about opinions. Thats a sub-chapter!  A Jewish wedding can fall into one of the three major categories of Judaism which are Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform. Not Reformed, its Reform.
That will determine partially what you are up against. The newlyweds' families will tell you what they are,  but you have to ask about, seating, dancing, and recitals, because in the Orthodox men and women do not participate in some of these customs, they are basically separated. They sit apart and if you are not accustomed to very proper people and by chance walk into an Orthodox wedding, get help.  I avoided doing them, they are very strict.  

MY JEWISH NON-JEWISH WEDDING

Many years ago, early in the morning I asked my wife if should could get a few hours off on next thursday, and she asked why?  I thought and explained marriage was a good idea, we were soul mates, had been together for the longest time, I knew there was no one else. She said yes, I had made arrangements and it was less than 48 hours later, it was over at 11:00 am at the courthouse.  All these years she was alive she never regretted having the big wedding day, I always asked her. “No way” she says. We were together thirty-one years till illness took her.

She was a veteran of many of the weddings we have shot and attended over the past years. She has been my right arm and best friend ever since and I have never regretted it. With all the stress and strain of my businesses, she was an Oasis in the Desert, an Island in the Ocean. 

She is the good thing about marriage, it lasts more than just one day. I’m old school, you married and meant it, good and bad, richer or poorer... in good health or bad... life is way too short. Ok before you all start crying, on to the next one.  This was before I lost her in August 2007 to Cancer, life has never been the same.

INDIAN WEDDINGS
Four years ago I assisted an associate, one of the best videographers in Tampa Bay as he was doing a rather large and long Indian Wedding in this area. Full video and a ton of pictures. Three 10 hour days long and the party had just started. The longest affair I ever attended. Now I read up before getting into something I was very naive about. I’m also a lot older and the time wears you out a lot faster than you think so you have to plan for it.  I was exhausted.  But then realized these things can take up three to four days.

THE FIRST DAY or MANY PRE-WEDDING DAYS
Is all about a warm up for the big day to come. The day and evening before the wedding day, in which the families gather to meet, greet, eat, dance, more dance and carry on for a long time. It will exhaust you simply because you are overwhelmed by the music, the drums and the beat of the music, which is relentless.  The costumes, incredible dazzling beauty of both the sari's and the stunning beauty of the women are almost magical.  

THE SECOND OR WEDDING DAY
Signs from the heavens, corresponding to the bride and groom determine the actual wedding day.  Lots of flowers, the bride’s hands and feet are decorated with temporary henna designs far more elaborate than your kids got at Disney.  More flowers all over the place. The groom sometimes wears a turban.  Now again just like with other traditionalists, changes will occur based on time, money, availability of the location and so forth. 

Other customs you might see involve a lot of the family, these ceremonies involve but not limited to the brides dress tied with the grooms scarf, a rope placed around the neck to symbolize warding off evil spirits. A hand woven cord, a mangala sutra, having gold pendants, (real gold) is tied in three knots around the bride’s neck. This means the marriage should last 100 years. Great optimism. This is not the time for battery changing with AA cells.

When I was writing about Indian Cooking, I found two hundred different ways to cook chicken and the recipes for all of them.  Chicken in the South is not treated like chicken in the North. Each sect has its own rules and India is a cornucopia of millions of people and many traditions. Their most common spice is not curry, curry is a name for a style of cooking.  The "national spice of India" is Garam Masala which is a blend of spices in India and even differs from door to door.  These are closely guarded family secrets. Ask a lot of questions and take notes.

Many of my associates who do these weddings tell me they just forget about time.  A joke from one of them suggested that Indian weddings are like the train system in India.  My experience holds this to be true. Some things will be on time and some won't but what you will take away is an incredible experience. 

Nevertheless for me it was an incredibly unique affair and one of the ushers was gracious and very literately explained every part of the services. It was a great learning experience about someone else’s culture and traditions. I didn’t have a clue as to how long they can run. I know now. Talk about the heartbreak of “de feet” wear comfortable shoes.  Time wise, get it in writing, forget, they won't care,  you can't slow a train down. 

Unexpectedly we really undercut ourselves physically, we needed a third helper just to get a break and fast charge batteries, not so much for the stills, because I make High Capacity packs for Digitals, but the bigger Video Cameras suck juice like a Hoover. I will start to use my batteries ganged on a cart soon for these long term events.

That’s why my new contracts were written with time clauses and helper clauses. But I have been told, this is not always the case with Indian Weddings. This particular one was long because of the stature of the individuals in the community. All I’m saying is get it settled up front as to how long you are needed and explain “overtime”. 

THREE HINTS
It’s a lot easier if they have a Wedding Planner familiar with their culture and you make friends. Even if it means buying her lunch, heck dinner before you sign on. Notice I said “her”. In many cultures this is a “her” job. The fellows rarely participate in this planning and don’t wish to be bothered.

Nevertheless being accepted means a lot of three day referrals and if you do a good job it will be rewarding. 

First find a videographer you can work with. I will tell you know they all get a motion picture made of the affair just like the Indian Film Business. 

CATHOLIC WEDDINGS CAN BE RESTRICTIVE: 

I figure you have enough sense to sort this one out. Start moving equipment, make noise during the Mass, pop a flash or get too close to the altar and be prepared to get thrown out. Based on today’s headlines, don’t even make jokes about it. It’s too sensitive a subject.

The most Holy physical part of the Catholic Church is usually the Alter so be careful setting up shots so as not to infringe on it’s space, that’s a NO-NO. Don’t climb on the Alter to get the Brides and Grooms faces during the ceremony. Stage the shot after from a lesser angle avoiding the Alter with fast and long glass.

If it is a full Mass and Wedding, be prepared with long, fast glass and definitely VR or IS lenses from a distance or from the balcony. Remember to color correct (white balance) before hand if you are digitally inclined. With slower film you’ll need faster glass and fast film. 

Arrange all the formals for before time or after the ceremony. That’s when a helper and pre-planning mean the most. Remote triggers for additional flashes, and maybe the helper shooting topside from the balcony. It’s a heck of a lot easier if you want the Alter for the backdrops either before or after with a helper. 

Attitudes differ amongst Priests. Some are fantastic and easy to work with, showing much patience and once in a while you’ll think you walked into one of the disciples having a bad a day because his Canonization hadn’t been approved. Lately though since the bad publicity, I find they are a little more flexible since congregation numbers and funding is down. 

Usually but not always, the families of the bride and groom sit on opposite sides of the aisle, which is usually covered by a white runner that extends to the altar. Some do not use the runner but decorate the pews with flowers, some churches do not.

1- The seating processional if there is one gets the grandparents, parents and then bride’s mother. 

2- Then the rest appear from the sides, the groom and groomsmen or they might be escorting bridesmaids. 

3- The flower girl and ring bearer follow them.

4- Then the Bride and her Father enter. The music starts. 

5- In some ceremonies the light candles, rings are exchanged, soft word spoken tears flow.

Simple enough but most Catholic weddings also have Mass at the same time or morning, usually Saturday and now add an hour to the program.

CHRISTIAN DIVERSITY
•  LUTHERAN  •  PROTESTANT  •  BAPTIST  •  SOUTHERN BAPIST  •  METHODIST  •
•  EPISCOPALIAN  •  LATTER DAY SAINTS  •  MORMON  •  NON-DENOMINATIONAL  •
•  EASTERN ORTHODOX  •  ANGLICAN  •  REFORM  •  PENTECOSTAL  •  
and a few hundred others… I apologize if I missed yours, especially if it involves snakes and other heathen customs.

Look in the phone book, note there are hundreds of Churches all with diverse themes and the game is wide open as to rules and regulations. Even churches of the same denomination differ. There is no guide just as there appears to be a problem in finding the one true religion.  Find the church your affair will be taking place in.  If in the weeks before there is a wedding in that church, just pickup the monthly directory at their front door one day to find out. 

Walk in like you own the place. Dress nice, you are a friend of the groom, and observe. Just sit in a back pew and follow everybody around casually using your light meter or even better a small digital, no flash to get EXIF information.  You watch the operation take place. This will give you the clues you need for the job.  Not all you need to know,  the rehearsal will tell you the rest but you are one leg up on anyone else.

There is a wealth of knowledge to gather here. Some are casual, some are very strict with ground rules. For example, Pentecostal weddings can be very straight laced too and then go all out nuts. But you never know when you'll get a winner. I covered one that was so open and nuts, I actually got some great shots out of it.  

Scout out the church beforehand. I can’t emphasize this enough. Trying to fix things during a Wedding doesn’t work. They won’t wait while you adjust or learn to use your light meter or strobe. And remember to write it down, take notes, about time of day and any ambient light coming through the windows, plus additional light settings of the back area. so you know before hand what you are up against.  Light changes during the seasons, remember that.

SHOTGUN WEDDINGS
 People never cease to amaze me. There is nothing prettier than a six month pregnant bride and the two families looking at each other with blood in their eyes.  A very colorful combination. I had the pleasure of shooting one of these when I was working for a Wedding Mill in NYC.

It was the Northern version of the Southern style shotgun wedding. The difference? The guns were worn under the tuxedos whereas in the south they used holsters. Or just slung them over the horses. 

From the minute I walked in the hall, I knew I could be dead. In fact one half of the room told me that if I spent too much time on the other side of the hall I would be dead. I felt I was living West Side Story while traversing the North-South Korean DMZ. 

Then the brain kicked in, why not shoot two weddings here? I just shot twenty four rolls of 120 films, carefully marked them, family A and family B. I was exhausted. These were 120 shot on Rollie, Mamiya, Yashica Twin Lens cameras and #5 bulbs. I had scorched fingers for a week. 

The boss made separate albums for both sides and I got paid double commissions from the shooting and the additional prints. I was really proud of myself. And the “sellers” really worked them, each side wanted to know what the other ordered and then they increased their order week after week.. In the end run it was double the work and triple the commissions.

RACIALLY MIXED WEDDINGS
Racially mixed weddings sometimes have a major problem with skin tones. If you don’t know what a Grey Card is, learn quickly. It will really save your butt, and prevent screwing up your lighting and making a nightmare out of the prints. It’s a top conversation in many pro Wedding Sites. Relying on your cameras “P” mode doesn’t work. We call it the “perhaps mode”. Perhaps the shots will come out. You must rely on the grey card as using the light skin tones will underexpose and give you the “AL Jolson Look” and shooting for the dark skin tone will blow the highlights. 

It’s really bad enough with a black tuxedo and white shiny dress. There are a couple techniques even including double negatives but good Photoshop techniques can save the day. It seems this is a problem to some but really it’s nothing more than the fact you are exceeding the dynamic range and you have to expose somewhere in the middle. That’s what the grey card will do for you. In addition another important point is get that camera off average mode for the sensor, you want spot metering.

SAME SEX WEDDINGS: 

Here are some of the problems that may arise. Who is the alpha? Really there shouldn’t be. It’s a union of two people. But be prepared and body language will be the clues as to how you handle the situation. One of the two will show their dominance.  The problem arose in some states because they couldn't decide on their printed forms who is the she or the he.  Since it's really a they, they settled for Celebrant one and Celebrant two.  Not joking here, this became an issue involving changing a court document and we all know how fast government whether it be state or federal moves.  It replicated itself in NY's recent same sex paperwork.

This is a very tough subject here for some.  First realize everyone invited there knows the situation and if they were not comfortable they would of not shown up.  The toughest times for the shooter involve intimate moments. Just do what you have to do, and it's your job, so do it to the best of your ability.  If it becomes a show, or beyond what you feel are your standards, back off.

But regardless of your beliefs, let the other half live and if you are not comfortable, don’t accept the work. Someone else will and some photographers specialize in it. Several of the confirmations I have done went absolutely great and the players went out of their way to make everybody comfortable. 

I actually had a good time at a few and got referrals. Again, you are there to record, not judge. I will tell you though, if there is a lot of booze, just keep a camera ready for a cat fight or two, but that’s true in most weddings. 

BAHA’I WEDDINGS
Baha’i marriage is union and cordial affection between two parties. They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other’s character. This eternal bond should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life - Baha’i Writings. Wow, pretty heavy, especially the everlasting part...

Rules: The Baha’i House of Worship is reserved for private prayer and meditation, or for public services of worship. Weddings may not be held within the House of Worship itself. However, weddings may be conducted outdoors in the Temple grounds, with bridal couples often arranging to say prayers in the Temple either before or after their wedding ceremony.

Weddings held in the grounds must be Baha’i weddings, whether or not the bridal couple are Baha’i. The marriage must be celebrated by a legally authorized marriage celebrant. Learn the words flash fill, and daylight white balance. You will be shooting lots of white clothing in broad daylight. 

You will most likely find it very serene and generally I have to watch myself or I will fall asleep at them, the softness, ease, spirituality, the gardens and a warm sun…..serene divineness….snore…. 

BAS or BAR MITZVAHS, CONFIRMATIONS, FORMAL EVENTS
You treat them exactly as Weddings, Especially Bar-Mitzvahs, you’ll have a larger percentage of kids around. And you’ll have a little more chaos as they are not as structured sometimes. The other thing you will learn as you read on is something I mentioned before. Find out whose running the gig and who is ultimately responsible

The Bar Mitzvah I Screwed Up....I knew the person I thought was the host, so I never bothered with a contract. No substantial deposit, just $100 for film, she said “she was treating for the film".  It was her sister’s grandson. I was not dealing with the boss, violation of rule one.  (No Contract)

One of the guest sisters attending was on an unsupervised weekend leave from an Institution. She got enamored with the camera and upset every picture she could get into. Funny faces, devil fingers, the birdie. I asked the mother to see if she could calm her a little and I got a speech. Not her job. (Rule two, the designated persona). 

Uncle Samuel brought his Minolta and almost knocked me over. (Rule three No Contract for prime shooter)
Then the rest of the Paparazzi showed up. It ran long, kids got restless and they headed for the banquet. Even the Rabbi was trying to bail. And the real party for the adults was on the second (next) day which I was never told about. (Violation of Rules 2-7, no contract, no outsiders, Paparazzi under my control etc.) 

After the weekend was over, I did the work in our lab, and told her the proofs were ready. I wanted this thing done. Gut feeling. All of a sudden she has nothing to do with this entire affair. OK I reach the fly-in sister. She tells me to forget it as (you guessed it) Uncle Samuel had done such a good job! The two had not coordinated and my services were no longer required. (Rules 2,3,4,5,6) Here I am, ticked off looking at 6-36 exposure rolls of 35. I called my attorney, basically he tells me I got borscht! It usually boils down to what’s in writing. 

Or as he said it, “NO WRITE, NO RIGHT! He felt it was not worth pursuing. He instructs me to send them a registered letter telling them all the negatives and proofs will be destroyed within 48 hours if I am not paid since they voided the verbal agreement. He calls the witch as a last resort, and she tells him where to go. I am not generally a vengeful person, but this one got to me and a week later I cut up the negatives and proofs and mailed them the trash.

DIVINE INTERVENTION
But if ever there was Divine Intervention, G-d sends it through synch cords and Uncle Samuel had his Minolta on a shutter speed too high for the flash. You probably did it one time or another, each picture was a half frame and people cut off, not one useful print.  

Blew the synch speed rule! He had pictures, but only one-half of each of them. I get a call a couple weeks later from the real Dad, not the step dad.  Sorry, nothing I could do. He turns out to be a real nice guy. I lost, they lost. It was a treasured moment with their child that went unrecorded that was the bad part, it bothered me. I wrote this off as an experience and that’s why I’m telling you how you must approach this thing as a business and forsake the amateur attitude if you are serious about making this a career. 

Had I been professional and not lost my temper, I would have put a REAL HEALTHY price tag on the pictures. One of those D2X price tags. 

I have a heart under all this humor.... I called the father back and told him to get his kid and we were going to a few places like borrow the Temple and the Rabbi and a few friends, I shot some really good stuff on the beach, Khakis, blue shirts, Sea Oats, sand, at a pitch and putt, batting cages, and handed him 72 shots of Dad and Son that hopefully the way the real father would of really wanted it.  The father paid me for the Bar Mitzvah. I joked with him after I saw the generosity and his comment was, "now you know why I am not married to her, and I feel sorry for the jerk she married". 

HE’S TALL – SHE’S SHORT - THE S-TOOL
See if you really have a problem, the couple knows who and what they are and they love each other enough to get married, I guess there is no problem so don’t create one.

If they have concerns at least for the formals if you are doing them, then discuss it and seek suitable locations for height enhancement such as sitting shots, carry over the threshold shots and stair cases. Also a knoll or bump in the grass can help.  Not only can you shoot them standing below or equal to the Bride and Groom but you can be above them a few steps on the staircase if there is one. In other words try different things, your viewfinder will tell you what looks good. 

In PJ anyway most shots are grabbing as grab can and very spontaneous which overshadows any height problems after all one of the tenets is reality, just like TV.  Remember use good portrait techniques, Bride closer to camera than Groom, etc.

Use a Rubbermaid step stool from Target, Home Depot to elevate bride if doing 3/4 or 1/2 body shots. And here are the reasons I use the step stool.  I tried boxes. In Video they are called Apple Boxes and composed of parts and sections. I carry enough parts with me.  I like simple and cheap. I want everything I own to do multi-tasking and the stools with Internal storage get used all the time around my world and my kitchen.

S-TOOL USE:
One step stool is enough for the Bride, no parts , no assembly , no thinking, if there is less than 8 inches difference she can wear heels.

I stand on the step stool to get extra height for some shots such as oblique angles of the groomsmen and ushers etc since they may be tall and I want the camera on top of the tallest.

Many of you have tall studio lights, I use the stool to get to the high lights.

Great in my kitchen for high shelves, for waxing the top of my vehicle, for getting shorter girlfriend or wife to wax top of her vehicle which means I only have to wax my car.

Great little stool to place material over in layouts for product shots, for short kids to reach the posing table.
Very safe for shooting over top of crowd when a small ladder is out of question and it's also essential for making speeches since everybody knows you need to stand on some kind of box to get attention while making a speech. 

Standing on a cardboard TIDE soap box don't cut it. I tried, falling right through, smelled like soap for a week.  On another note, it is indispensable in hanging states, for checking and fueling the Caravan an airplane with a high wing.   It is also invaluable for balance techniques in tai-chi, especially Yang Chuanfu's Crane technique's. It comes in white and beige, so it goes with most wedding dresses and the train in front hides it nicely if you have a real short Bride.    $9.99 at Target and other stores. 

UNCONVENTIONAL WEDDINGS…
Nudist Camps, Cultural; Centers, Retreats, Wiccan, Druidic rites and Satanic worship. Some I will shoot, some I won’t even go there, I usually forward those requests to someone I hate. 
http://altreligion.about.com/index.htm

CORPORATE EVENTS, BOARD MEETINGS ETC. 

Get it in writing, get a deposit, do it by the book...enough said. That’s it for the more popular and conventional Weddings.