• New WORD - "PONTIFARTICATION" (-noun pond-if-far-kay-shun)
Words issued by the Vatican about the abuses they covered up and denied and the use of the time worn "a bad apple in a good crop" excuse. Right on, originally we thought this was just in the US but now it's a world wide epidemic of those with the courage to come forth and stand their ground. Some of the abuses that came to light in Europe involve hundred of Children. Even the Holy See is not above the law.
• REVELATIONS
I did an interview the other day, with a gentleman who spent forty-five years working on the railroad as an engineer. He probably covered a zillion plus miles and still remembers steam engines. While casually chatting, he said, "There was and is nothing wrong with the Federal Government". "The founding fathers did a heck of a job in designing this great nation".
The real problem is the five hundred and thirty five "conductors we hired who think they own the friggen railroad". I had nothing to add, he hit the nail on the head. Ageless wisdom. Soon Jacobs Ladder...
• LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS -
I'm usually up late but I limit calls to 9PM EST. Middle of the night means something else and my phone is one digit away from a Psychiatrists office number. It brings new meaning to the phrase "shrinking world".
• NEW WORD: "LIBIDOFACATION" (–noun, lee-bi-ie -far-kay-shon)
Used in a Sentence: "Governor Sanford got caught in the act of Libidofacation". Recently you might of noticed many of our distinguished Political leaders have been caught at "Libidofacation". Some have been outed who seem to have a lot of libido lately with a myriad of mistresses and mattresses some as far away as Argentina. Not surprisingly it leaks out, because Washington is like a leaky barrel or condom for that matter. Everyone is out for the head of any competition they can ruin.
• BILL CLINTON
Many years ago, in my travels out west I had the privilege of a worthy conversation with a tribal leader of one of the plains tribes. My memory is running out of ram but I believe he was of the Lakota, (Lakota, Dakota and Nankota comprise the Sioux nation) and he gave me a thought that has floated in my mind ever since. he said to me:
We have a new definition for you. Alternation (all-ter-nay-chun) Stemming from the melding of Altercation and Alteration and from the root "alter" or to change. We have in the new word form expressed one idea.
ALTERNATION is defined as bombing the crap out of a foreign country to improve life for all of it's citizens. Since we are the author of the word, this is one that should be named after the citizen who brought this word literally to the kitchen table of the world.
President George W. Bush defines the word ALTERNATION. Several critics have told us we should hyphen the word. Eg. ALTER-NATION. Not in Georges world. He doesn't know what a hyphen is.
With all the negative comments about every conceivable move made by the new President, it's apparent if the detractors or the "Legion of Doom" were to be shut up, our world would face a terrible shortage on cork futures since most of these folks would need two. One for either end since telling the difference is impossible.
NEW BUMPER STICKER!
IF YOU LOVE JESUS HONK! IF YOU WANT TO MEET HIM TEXT!
On another note a survey taken by me of thirty golfers playing our course here indicated;
1) Mostly Horizontal 2) Very Enviable. 3) Financially Deep Shit.
Mrs. Tiger Woods has agreed to market a new line of premier women's Golf Clubs under her name.
The "Elin Woods" Irons will be Titanium faced and the Drivers Faced with Sliced Cocobolo wood.
The shafts will be engraved with the inscription "When you care enough to bash the very best". "The shafts come in two colors, Black and Blue".
When a politician says he has seen the light, it generally means the cops flashlight is checking his eye dilation.
"I never met a man I didn't like". Then again he never lived in Washington.
"If you spend your time in irrelevancy, you too will become irrelevant".
NEW TERM: Gerbil Fodder (Grr-bill-fa-der)
The unique term for the Bull Sh*t dispensed by those right and left wing bloggers and political activists, and the spiel talking heads throw out. Some right groupies eat it right up. Named after Gerbils who spend most of their lives procreating, they mastered the art of making more gerbils, and spinning their little feet on wheels trying to be "big wheels". Generally they cannot see the truth because it would serve them no purpose or help in their complaining.
NEW TERM: Lemming Juice
Lemmings are the little animals that follow a leader off the edge of a cliff, really dumb animals. It is a term used by some cool Journalists as a hack job or “Lemming Juice”. It is predominant in political or Hollywood rumors, stories that are (you guessed it, pass it on) FOWARD's on the web. This stuff is Lemming juice, similar to Gerbil fodder, stories that have been manipulated or altered from the original writer, and tainted to go on the web usually for political or social embarrassment. Good Journalist's ignore this and check the record.
Sarah Palin's reference to government "Death Squads" is and example of Lemming Juice served with Gerbil Fodder on a bed of pure Bull Manure.
NEW TERM "FOO-PAH:
Foo-Pah stands for foolish and pathetic statements without validation. This one gets a ten. When you re-send or forward an e-mail reeking from "Gerbil fodder" or "Lemming Juice', you are creating your own Foo-Pah. You are endorsing a non-truth. Thus you are tagged foolish and pathetic.
THE NUMBERS GAME:
When a Photo Product is made today in the digital world it has a date on it and the clock is ticking before it's replacement is sure to be here.
Lets hope they
don't run out of numbers. Nikons already used F, F2, F3, F4, F5, F6, D40, N50, D60
D70, N80, N90, D100, F100, D200, D300, D3, D3X, D300S, D700, D3000, D5000 and so forth.
And CANON. there are more CANON numbers than CANNOLI's at the local Italian Street Party. And they use the little X's, D's, I's and T's. Whats wrong with the other 22 letters? Discrimination for sure.
Fortunately they are in second place to Minolta who in their heyday owned every number in the free world with the exception of certain INCA and MAYAN glyphic's not translated as yet.
Soon we'll need encryption for the model numbers. Hopefully with Bill Gate's help we'll come up with a new Microsoft program to
name and number cameras as soon as they get the bugs out. Look for it in 2017. Thats if the MAYAN and INCA numbers go past 2012. He's still trying to fix Vista, but keeps throwing a Seven after the point number on the crap tables.
AL's QUOTE OF THE DAY - MONEY
If money is the root of all evil, then it must also be the cause of all the problems in Washington.
Want answers, follow the money and evil will be at the end of your journey. Even if means in a refrigerator, I guess Congressman William Jefferson was cooling some bread when they found $90,000 dollars in his fridge.
AL's QUOTE OF THE DAY - PARTISAN
RETURNING FROM VEGAS ON DELTA:
How to pay for your ticket: Aboard Delta, I was feasting on airline courtesy, sumptuous peanuts, high protein DELTA dog biscuits, and shots of high test non-injectionable fluids mixed with aspirin from a rapidly approaching cold. It was 28-49 degrees in Vegas with a fierce wind blowing much of the time. Can't remember this cold a trade show in years.
Contact with thousands of
people, handshakes, strange bedding, leaves you wide open for a cold. Knowing nourishment is essential, and we were on a five hour flight. Our group planned ahead for a change. I opened my backpack and pulled out the three loaded SUBWAY 12 INCH ROAST CHICKEN SUBS with Chipotle Dip and POTATO CHIPS. We were the envy of the entire five hour flight. I could of sold them for twelve dollars each and doubled up. MONEY MAKER: Next trip to Vegas I will buy ten of them and sell them on board. Screw the laptop, go SUBWAY.
Here are some of the most important "points of light" as expressed by our former Commander in Chief G.W.B. at critical times in our nations history. However, as some had suggested, "points of light" are best expressed when you pick a flashlight with a bulb in it. Read more about George under stories, "BUSH WACKED".
DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
It has been stated that the Dewey Decimal System will not be used in the George W. Bush Library. When asked why not, he replied, why use numbers when you can "alaphabaptize". "Besides, you only read one book at a time". Critics had determined he was right. With only three children's books in the library he thought he could memorize their location.
ON BACKPACKS:
So the sicko father wants a reality show and pulls a stunt to prove his point. I say he deserves it. I propose the show be filmed for fourteen months in the Limon Correctional Facility, Colorado. Suggestions for a name of the show include: "My Life with Bubba" "From Air Bags to Bitches", "The Kingpin and I".
ON OUR CONGRESS:
If this entire group of Senators and Congressmen were out in the real workplace, they would be screaming for an extension of their unemployment. I would ignore them. What they call work we call pretending, spinning and childhood type squabbling. Lying, cheating and stealing only effect 87%.
HUNTING SEASON:
Washington needs a one-day open hunting season on lobbyists. First, we’ll change the name “lobbyist to briberist”. Lets get that point straight. When there is money you receive and it jades your vote, you are a traitor, not a supporter. Second, make it a no bag limit. In addition, a bounty for more than five. Double points if you get the Congressman while accepting a bribe, oh sorry, a donation. Triple points, if it’s a Senator, because there are less Senators and it’s hard
to find them working at anything.
TERM LIMITS:
Establish “term limits”. Lets change what term limits mean. The term limits we
need are twenty to forty years in jail for stealing, lying, accepting bribes
from any agency doing business with the General Public like health care
companies. Otherwise after two
four-year terms for Congressmen, two six-year terms for Senators since they
seem to go useless after those terms.
SOME EX PRESIDENTS:
And Ex Vice-Presidents, Failed Quitting Governors and really stupid
Congressmen and Senators. They should
be gagged, tarred and feathered, and sent hunting together. Maybe we’ll get
lucky with a double with Cheney and Palin. And add a few talk show personalities like Limbaugh,
Hannity and Beck, oh don’t forget Congressional dumbos like Steele and Bachman, now there’s two that
brings a new lowering of the bar representing the word "STUPID".
BRING BACK JOSEPH - THE NEW DEPENDS PARTY
Not the party of the right or the left but the party of the bottom. We need to replace some of the older more jaded figures in Washington. It's really a long list, and that means perhaps a real simple man of change. Someone who will stick to his guns, a man of action who will make change a reality, and quick. We need a guy like: Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, (aka Joseph Stalin)
AUTHOR and PHOTOGRAPHER: Al Jacobson, photographs and writes in the Tampa Bay area on a myriad of subjects. He is from NY and occasionally speaks English, preferring Brooklyn based meta-phonetic syllabication (aka Street English). His high school English teacher, once commented to his parents, "He should try learning a foreign language like English... in a foreign country". He retorted, "Shakespeare doth not a genius make, for he spake in terms reminiscent of a flake". She threw him out of the class.