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1) High risks from falling drug traffickers. You are more likely to get hit with a 74-100 lb. bag of weed tossed from an airplane than a Gator bite. Especially, just north west or south west of the glades.

2) Our world class mosquitoes can carry Lyme Disease, and it's variants. Also they carry the strain that causes Meningitis. Which is a sometimes fatal swelling of the brain. You'll need good repellant.

If you are boating inland on lakes, a leaky hundred forty horse Evinrude (the leaking gas oil smell keeps the ski-toes away) makes it livable, if not outrun them. Keep your mouth closed while outrunning them.

2B) There is also a rare Amoeba that infiltrates your body from those nice warm swimming holes in the summer that has killed several children these past years. Though rare, it is deadly if you come in contact with it. The problem is there is no way of telling you have it almost till it is too late.

3) Pinellas County, Florida - Code enforcement officers in Pinellas County now have another tool to fight the swarms of mosquitoes that are common in Florida during the rainy months from May through October. County commissioners have passed a new ordinance that gives mosquito control the authority to issue citations to people who don't attempt to control mosquito problems on their property. The offense is called harboring mosquitoes. Under the new ordinance, anything that holds water and attracts mosquito larvae must be eliminated or treated. If not, property owners will get a warning. If they ignore two warnings, property owners will be hit with a $188 fine. Brilliant! So we fine 10 people this year, and thirty billion/trillion mosquitoes still get away because of inadequate spraying.

4) Natures cure? Fortunately, many of the mosquitoes do get eaten by the Black Widow Spider and the Brown Recluse Spider (aka the tissue eating spider) are just two of our poisonous and very common species. They can make garden work exciting. Not to say some Caterpillars, Swarming Hornets, and the African or South American Killer bees won't make you a mess either. Fortunately there are anti-venoms available at many local hospitals. The Brown Recluse is also known as the tissue eating spider and requires immediate professional help.

5) While tip toeing thru the tulips, be aware we share the soil those who can't tiptoe. They only have one tip and most likely it isn't a toe, it's a rattle. Namely, Coral snakes, Eastern Diamond Backs, Copperheads, Timber Rattlesnakes, the Dusky Pygmy Rattlesnake, the Cottonmouth and Water Moccasins. Recently our most recent additions, Pythons and Anacondas have taken on the Gators as top of the food chain in the Everglades. They were dumped in the Everglades by really thoughtful citizens when they got big enough to eat small deer and children, theirs. They have gotten even bigger in the perfect unrestricted topographical growth and abundant food sources of the Everglades.   While our cottonmouths can inflict very nasty wounds, the ordinary water snake which looks similar can bite if you mishandle them. Best bet is leave snakes to those who know what they are doing. Please just don't kill a snake because it crossed your path. Generally they retreat and quickly get out of your way. There are some protected species in Florida and if a snake is hanging out near your house, most likely you have rats and mice too. Think of the snake as your partner in rat and mouse control.

6) Plants and some botanicals should be avoided in our state such as the usual Poison Ivy, Poison Oak and others with the long Latin names like Abrus Precatorious, Alamanda Cathartica, Nerium Oleander, Philodendron Selloum. While some require ingesting to do harm versus contact sports like the IVY and OAK, we do have pets that we don't control at all times that can come in contact with them.

The most dangerous plant of all is POTUS AMERICANUS, or the "five fingered feel good plant". More than a few ounces and you're a dealer and get to share bed-e-by stories with some of the local farmers.

7) Add hurricanes, tornadoes, waterspouts and our newest phenomena, the earthquake. Didn't think California and Turkey had the edge. We get earthquakes emanating from the gulf.

8) Infrastructure: Since our state has adapted the low bid policy, the I-4 corridor from Tampa to Daytona and the I-75 highway from say Sarasota to the Georgia border might get completed one day. Maybe 2012. In forty years I have never been able to go from one place to another using those highways without numerous construction delays to improve the job botched previously. Fellows, please consider another inch thicker asphalt and it might last a year longer. Low bids? Nah, good lobbyists.

9) Sinkholes? What's a sinkhole? well it's NOT the hole in the middle of your sink that the water goes down. It's an underground cavern that during the dry and wet spells in the state tend to collapse on occasion. Totally unpredictable and ranging in size from a Ford 150 pickup to a 3200 square foot house. Sinkholes add an aura of concern around the purchase of a new home as it might NOT be covered in your homeowners policy. In that case your bank account might be a stink hole from the sinkhole.

10) Like all the help in Katrina......no comment. ARMY CORPS OF ENGINEERS: A massive foo-pah in straightening the St. Johns River years back now calls for a massive un-straightening of the St. John's River to restore the ecology it has ruined. Namely the river, the water, the sedentary ability for water purification and wholesale environment destruction. The waste alone form the Orlando area is a matter of concern. Millions of people in a congested area, congested all the year round produce a lot of effluent.

11) We also have a unique situation as much of our state has been used as a bombing range so every once in a while, a nice hand Grenade winds up at a garage sale or a 500 LB bomb, probably the same vintage as used in IRAQ washes up on a our beaches.

12) Medical care at one of our hospitals can be just as dangerous. Some of our doctors cut off more wrong limbs than all the Gator attacks this year. The solution: Use an indelible magic marker and the DR's sign off on the part removed. Phrases like "DO NOT REMOVE", "DO NOT CUT BELOW THIS LINE" and "NOT THE MIDDLE ONE" are very common. On the other hand there are cases of Doctors not being Doctors practicing here.

13) The Sharks did a fair job on the east coast, though Tampa Bay is known for it's variety and density of sharks who like to bear young in the surf at night along the beaches. Add some excitement to your sundown leisurely swim.

14) More dangerous than the Sharks were some of the two-legged knuckle dragging anthropoids who drove high powered speed (basically not good for anything else) boats at 60-70 MPH in congested areas while partying with spirit. Actually, too much spirits were at the party. Then the other kind of leisure water craft, namely those water borne Evil Knievel machines; the Jetski's. You probably weren't aware some of those water-borne motorcycles may have as much as or more than 215HP for power as in the RXT by SeaDoo. That's more than a Honda, Saturn or PT Cruiser automobile. NOTEWORTHY: Needless to say we are proud to announce this group has propelled Florida into the top three states for Marine Accidents and Fatalities. Well done fellow's! Yet the license law looking for 18 or over to operate a vessel, an operators license for marine use, a qualification marine test, written or other has never passed in this state. Lobbyists again...This must drive the United States Coast Guard and the various Sheriffs Departments bonkers.

15) Another treat in Florida's West Coast is RED TIDE. No not a football team, its a water borne blossom of Red Algae that kills fish, turtles, and other water species resulting in an odiferous STENCH on the beaches. Some years it took bulldozers to haul the dead fish landfill fodder away. Even employees at the landfill thought the fish smell was too much!

16) And Rabies amongst our raccoons is on the upswing though we have air-poisoned them with pellets for two years now. Cute and cuddly, rabies shots are no fun.

17) Florida is the Lightning Capitol of the world and Tampa Bay is the Capitol of the Capitol. We average more lightning strikes per hour than anywhere else in the world. Enough that we have a Lightning Research Lab at the University of Florida. The last class reported shocking information about the intensity of strikes and as soon as they get out of the hospital, we'll hear more about it.

18) Our Senior Citizen Unrestricted Driving School (S.C.U.D.S.) just graduated another class. Florida roads and highways are the largest demolition derby in the world. You don't go to see crashes, they come to you. You think Gators got poor eyesight, some of our citizens lost theirs years ago and drive by sound.

19) TOURIST DRIVERS: Several years back an older tourist couple left Tampa in a rental car and drove on the highway to St. Petersburg. They got off at the last downtown exit. This exit ramp becomes the road which enters the Coast Guard Dock and Air Station. They thought the man in the booth was a toll gate attendant. He thought they they were looking for the commissary. He waved them through. They thought the taxiway was the entry ramp to get back on the highway. They did access the main runway at Albert Whitted Airport where the tower guys were frantically trying to radio the Red Chevy Cavalier to "get the hell" off the runway. Unfortunately, the Chevy comes with FM and music and the tower was on another frequency band yelling some explicative.

Our brave couple accelerated to 65 miles per hour, about the rotational speed of a Cessna 150 and proudly flew off the end of the runway into Tampa Bay. Note: There is a GOD. That day, of all of the 365 days in the year, the St. Petersburg Fire Department - Marine division was conducting rescue exercises off Albert Whitted Airport. I could just see the guys in the Zodiacs and larger Fireboat commenting, "How realistic these exercises get year after year!"   The folks survived the ordeal probably thinking maybe they should of taken a cab or paid the toll. Then as if that's not enough!

Elderly woman crashes into DMV building:
Deerfield Beach, Florida (AP)- Officials say an 80-year-old woman crashed into the DMV building in Deerfield Beach when she went to take a state-ordered driver's license retest. The Florida Highway Patrol says Therese Smith accidentally drove her car into the Department of Motor Vehicles building Wednesday, slightly injuring several people. An FHP spokesman says she apparently stepped on the gas too hard. The car went over a concrete parking block, onto the sidewalk, through a metal parking sign and into the windows of the office. Fire rescue officials say seven people in the waiting room were taken to the hospital with minor injuries. Four others also were hurt but did not need to be taken to the hospital. They were injured from flying glass and from falling on other people, but no one was actually hit by the car. Smith was cited for careless driving. Her test was postponed.

20) Welcome our Canadian Friends: I love our snowbirds and many are friends of mine BUT the once a year migration of the slightly dyslexic Canadian drivers who love to make right turns from the left lanes, left turns from the right lanes and think signals are a waste of battery power in their cars. They add a certain challenge to the driving here in the winter months. It's OK though, they help our community, give new meaning to the off-neglected letter "A" in our vocabulary and still try to convince our Senior Professional Shuffleboard Players (S.P.S.P.) that Curling is a far more physically enduring and intriguing sport. (Yawn) Next time I hear how Cribbage is more exciting than Mahjong, I'll scream.

21) Boy have we got 'Cruise Ships": What do you get when you cram 1000 people into a boat with cabins that don't circulate air well? Lets face it, open windows or portholes are not that common below the waterline on most sea going ships. Thus the answer to the question is a bunch of little virus's and bacterium that cause about 20% of the travelers to get various upper respiratory and lower tract problems. Just recently Carnival Lines had two from their fleet come back to port with hundreds sick on board. Adds new meaning to the expression "cruise to nowhere".

22) Read on, and we'll talk about FOOD in paradise. So big we had to make it a separate piece. Our chain restaurants should be called "chain gang restaurants" and some of the operators thrown in jail. That article and list has grown large enough to warrant it's own space. (see they might embargo Largo in "Food for Thought")

23) Back to our Jurassic friends, the Gators. Actually there are four types in Florida. Florida Gators who are football fans, Salt Water Crocodiles, the Southern Gator and the Caiman. Caiman were those cute pets sold as Gators in our pet stores. They too go the short ride to the glades or flushed into the sewer system. Surprise, they lived. Think if them as a Gator in ripping shape with an attitude of a crocodile. They only cause harm when people interfere with their lifestyle, which is to eat anything with fur or skin, moves and makes a noise. The ad said they make great pets. Realistically, the Gator is our official trash and unleashed dog law enforcer. In residential areas he is the reminder not to leave your dog unleashed or wandering around. Leash laws in Florida do exist, but they are not heeded too, nor enforced strongly enough. One of the favorite things Floridians do is walk their dog along the banks of rivers, ponds and water retention ponds with bread to feed the Gators with. Yes, stupidity exists, it's rampant and is doing well amongst some of our not too bright pet owners. Do not feed the Gator, arms, pets and chicken parts look the same to him. Gators think people taste like chicken.

24) Allergies: Just add the flora and fauna and their associated allergies and you have paradise. 365 days a year of beautiful blooming weather. Combine cars in traffic with their exhaust and it explains some of the brown haze over Tampa bay.

Example: Driver says he sneezed and crashed into business:
Tampa, Florida - A driver says he sneezed and lost control of his car, crashing into a custom cabinet business in Tampa overnight. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office says the driver of the car was taken to Saint Joseph's Hospital. The owner of Design Specialties says the accident happened around 4 a.m. Much of the cabinets and office space are damaged, but they're not sure yet how extensive the cost of repairs will be.

25) GATORS WIN: In sports, namely Basketball and Football. Unfortunately as things run in cycles, last year was a bad year for Gator fatalities. Three definite fatal Gator attacks on a swimmer, a gal walking real close to the edge of the water and another Gal with her legs dangling in the water off a dock. These attacks in urban neighborhoods stem from two things. Compression of the Gators habitat and the idiots that feed them while walking their dogs. They loose their fear of humans and associate humans as a food source. An animal with hundreds of pounds of body weight and a brain the size of a walnut doesn't differentiate. Those canines will crush anything after he drowns it. And he is capable of a burst of speed faster than a human can react. They are ambush predators lying just below the surface at the edge of the water and can cover fifteen feet in less than two seconds. They think poodles taste like chicken.

TRUE STORY: Someone did feed the “pet” Gator last week in a trailer park. The folks that live there thought the nine footer was harmless. They got the guys arm back (so much for stories of the arm that feeds you) so he could be buried in one unit. Gators drown their victims. They invite the Gator for lunch. You would have better luck smoking in a dynamite factory.
In the wild the Gator is the top of the food chain except for man who gets a little Gator tail once in a while. It's got a gamier taste than chicken. Don’t overcook it. Tastes more like rattlesnake than Chicken unless you get them free ranging chickens. We have dirt-fed free-road kill chickens here.